The Power of Words
I am here sitting on my desk and at moment I found myself remembering something that took me thirteen years back from the time when I was on my late teen years, the time that still I didn't know what the actual impact of the words that at times I allow them to come out of my mouth and ears, and those that i let them stay in my heart and mind.
It was October 2009 when the national examination for ordinary level was done. After clearing with school, students are allowed to go back home and wait for the results. It is a procedure that when students prepare for an examination, they also select schools that they prefer to join based on their advanced level and the combination of their interests.
That day, I was sitting with my girlfriends, with whom we used to be in the top 10, and everyone was sharing their inspirations for where they wanted to go study in advance level, and most of them were inspired by their parents. I had friends who had parents who were doctors, engineers, teachers, and accountants, and I was the only one who had a mother who was a street cooker. And what was my story?
My Story Begins here
Mama was blessed with primary education in her time. It was very hard for poor families to take their children to school after primary school. Most of them ended up being married. That was a case for her. She was qualified to attend a secondary school education but her father could not pay for her secondary education. So she continued working to assist her family. I put the word “continuing working” because even as a student and a child she was working for her school items. She could not even afford a pair of shoes, you can imagine.
At the age of 18 years, her family married her to my father, who, at that time, was a graduate, and as a first born, he returned to his home village to get a wife. She was lucky to get an educated man. She was promised to get back to school after she gave birth to their first child, and when that happened, the man died. Hence her dreams faded on one side and another was born. She spends her life telling her child of her will and love for education and of the kind of man she was married to.
Though she was not lucky enough to attend school, she swore none of her children would, and for that she worked for her at the time that she was the only child. She told her child that she was married to an educated man who specialised in railways as an engineer. That was the basis she knew. She said that the man loved books and she showed her child pictures of the man so that you wouldn’t miss him reading a book. And she added that education was the only inheritance that her daughter had. Yes, her dad did not leave a house or a farm, but he left her with these words: “My child will go to school and she will be educated because we will make that happen.” My mom did everything in her power with the help of God to make sure that the girl received a good education. And that is how she inspired her little girl. When the national form four results came out, I remember having passed with good grades. That gave me assurance that my engineering dream was to come true.
Therefore, when girls were sharing who they wanted to be, I also said I wanted to become an engineer just like my daddy.
I put in my selection. I remember having chosen talent schools and the combination I put in was Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics. After all the procedures, we returned home. My home was in a very small town that is not inspiring. Among the skills that I didn’t have back then was minding my business. I did not mind my business when people asked about the combination and school I chose. It was the adults who were asking and they were the ones who said PCM was not for women. I was the only one who took PCM and science back then. People started blaming that I should have selected CBG so that I could become a nurse or any other art combination.
I remember one day after a week of my results, a man talked me out of how far I was planning to go while I am a woman, and because of that, my mom got into a fight with him since we were together and she heard him telling me that and she stood against that.
As a child back there when I look behind I don’t know what did i believe in , because before joined Advance level I was already terrified that I was not a fit. I was that one person who would never share her fears, so I did not tell anyone, and that was also the end of my good performing skills, and now I know I allowed other people’s words to define me, I stopped, or I can say I forgot what inspired me to become the person I wanted to become. I lived with the words I am not capable, I can not ,make it for five years after that, and nothing in between those years worked.
I took time to heal because I was afraid to talk, afraid to find out. I believed there was no way out, and because of that I shut out the world. I lost friends. I was alone until the day that light shone in my life and started to hear other words that were against what I believed, and they came from people who had the same story as mine. I came to realize that we are not who others say we are but who we tell ourselves and put to work on the words that we manifest to ourselves.
Even though I did not become an engineer, I am happy to say I have become a woman who is very strong and hard-working, especially in believing in who and what she is and not what anyone else says. Make a good choice of the words that you allow in and out of your spirit. Words make us who we are.
